A Letter To My Children

Dear Kids,
I love you dearly, I really do. I don't love the messes that are left everywhere you go. Seriously! I have holes in the bottoms of my feet from stepping on your Legos and random race cars. I'm tired of tripping on shoes left on the stairs because you were to lazy to actually walk them down the rest of the way to the shoe rack by the door. It would be okay that you insist on removing all of the cushions from the couch so that you can stack them on top of each other to make a bed or a fort of some kind if you'd just put them back when you were done. Really, when you take a bath/shower do you have to leave your dirty underwear on the floor??? Would it kill you to actually make sure that Mr. Teddy Bear or your dolly, Rose, make it safely back into your room where they belong? You've been taught - I know you have. Did it go in one ear and out the other? Did your eyes glaze over while I was talking to you and I just didn't see it? Hmm. You know, I may need to re-enlist the "Clean-It-Up Fairy" to come back for a few weeks. She did a great job the last time she was here. She cleaned up the messes you left at the end of the day and confiscated anything that was left. Uh-huh. Yeah. I think I'll put in a phone call and have her come tomorrow night. It will cost a pretty penny for her to come but I figure that if you can't learn how to pick up after yourself I won't be spending too much at Christmas time anyway... It's rough, I know, and you're probably not happy with me right now but my feet hurt! I have little Barbie bandaids all over them from the sharp ends your toys jabbed into them. Let's see if we can get better at this, kay?
Love you.
Mom

(The Clean-It-Up Fairy)