Okay, we need your help. I have a friend (who gave me permission to make her the focus of our discussion today) who has a large family. She works very hard every day from the time she gets up until just before the kids get home from school cleaning her house. She sweeps up Captain Crunch, mops up spills, picks up, scrubs toilets, does 500 loads of laundry, picks up, vacuums, etc. By the time she's done she's so exhausted that she collapses on the couch with a frosty Diet Coke and takes a breather.
Until her front door slams open and a whirl wind sweeps in and, before you know it, the mess is back even worse than before! Her children have lost their respect for their home. They drop garbage, clothing, etc wherever they happen to be with out any regard for who will have to pick it up. She went into her kitchen the other day and there were even dishes on the floor! She's tried to teach her children how to clean and how to take care of their things, but it's like it goes in one ear and out the other. She's at her whit's end! Her kids are definitely old enough to "get it" but aren't. They're sassy and disrespectful to her, they disregard direct instruction and rules and I'm worried that she might Velcro them to the walls one day just so she'll have some peace and her home will stay clean for more than 30 minutes at a time!
So, here's where you come in. She's tried rewards (like allowance, extra time with mom, extra privileges, etc), she's tried punishments and nothing seems to do it for them. Ideas???? Lay it on me. You can stay anonymous if you'd like or you can just let it all out and tell me what you're thinking. Please know that she tries really hard and that each of her children are different and the same things won't work with all of them. Good luck! (And thanks!)
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OK, I obviously thought you were talking about me, but I don't remember you asking for my permission! JK, maybe! Anyway several people have reccomended to take away everything! And I mean everything. They get no bed, no pillow, no blanket. They have to "check out" pj's each night and check them in the next day for clothes. They have nothing in thier room. They have to earn each thing back. I would totally do this if I had somewhere to store all the beds and dresser etc. But I don't. So this is my only suggestion! I have so much sympathy for who ever this is. I totaly understand!
I've been taking a positive parenting class with Carleen Tanner. She is amazing! She teaches so many great things when it comes to parenting. I would suggest taking her class to start. If she wants, she can check out my blog since I post on her class once I've gone each week. I am a little behind, so I guess I need to catch up. But seriously, it's changed our home life in just 6 weeks. Amazing!!! (We even went to therapy with my oldest child because I thought her behavior was the extreme abnormal.)
I know a lot of the cousins use the Love & Logic approach. It allows the kids to help pick their punishment for the actions. "I'm sorry that you did that, that's not acceptable behavior in our house. What do you think is fair punishment for this type of behavior?" It makes them stop and think about what they are doing.
I think the velcro is a good solution...
Since I'm not "there" yet, my oldest is 4, I don't think I can give any good advice. I have heard of a few friends of mine taking away everything, like what Springrose suggested. If they disrespect something, they lose it, including beds, dressers, etc. *shrugs* I really have no idea though, only that I hope your friend finds something that works. I know all kids are different and respond differently to discipline. At the moment, getting so mad the veins in my forehead pop out and pulsate and my eyelids twitch seems to terrify my 4 year old into submission. After that stops working, I've got nothin. Good luck to your friend!
If it gets left on the floor, have her put it in a box or trash bag. They have to earn it back by doing a chore. If messy plates and such are an issue, assign them one plate/cup/fork/etc each and label the items. If it's left out, same thing. Drinking from your hand would get really old after a week!
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