Zombies are for real, Peeps...

Yep, you heard me right. Zombies are a fact of life. AND they don't just come out during Halloween. They're right here. In my house. And I'm one of them. I didn't get bit by something undead. I didn't catch it because I forgot to wash my hands once. I got it from Dr. Botimer. He's a nice guy, don't get me wrong. But he's turned me into an honest to goodness zombie. The days are going on around me and I'm not quite sure what's happened. I wake up in the morning and the next thing I know it's time to make dinner!
Explanation...
My mom had her knee replaced last week. She's now got a bionic knee, which is going to make her more awesome than Wonder Woman in a couple of weeks. (Man, she'll owe me BIG!) She'll be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, swim the English Channel in an hour and half AND she'll be the next Mary Lou Retton before too long. Yep, she'll be famous and I'll get to say, "I knew her when..." But first I have to be a zombie. Zombies don't really sleep and that's what I'm putting on my resume when I try out for the next Stephen King film as my qualifications for being the star zombie (that's when I'll get the big bucks and can afford my very own power scooter.) Of course I'll probably have to give my mom some of my cash because she's training me for my big screen debut. She makes sure that I get up a couple times each night and that I run up and down the stairs at least 25 times each day. I'm going to be a hot skinny zombie! Woo-hoo! I'm lifting things too so that'll make me a strong zombie, right? I'll be a very versatile actress. I just hope that I don't scare the neighborhood kids Saturday night with my spot on zombie face and mannerisms.