An Open Letter.

Dear Hay Ride Operator:
My family and I were delighted to come to your place of business this weekend so that we could enjoy our annual hay ride out to your pumpkin patch. It's always great fun and we generally find at least one fabulous pumpkin to take home. (Last year we found 125 lbs in "acceptable" pumpkins) This year we were sorely disappointed. We started out great! We hopped onto the hayride and bounced along out to the pumpkin patch, the anticipation building. We were laughing and having a great time as the tractor pulling the hay bales stopped beside what looked like a bajillion beautiful orange orbs. Then we got closer and saw little black spots on most of the pumpkins. Then we got even closer than that and saw that the little black spots were, in fact, little Box Elder bugs.
Very unappealing, to say the least. The kids were squealing and "EWWWW!!"-ing as they picked their way through the patch. *sigh* We finally found a bug-free pumpkin and were ready to head back to the fruit stand to pay. You came back driving your tractor/hayride and we got back on. (This is where I made my mistake.) I figured that I'd sit toward the front of the ride so that others would have room to get on. I thought I was being considerate of others! Then, as we started moving, I realized that they knew something that I didn't. They knew all about your love for sun flower seeds and how the wind picks them up when you toss them out. Now I'm not going to deny a man his snack time - it was, after all, 6:00 p.m. and I could see how you might be hungry. Maybe you didn't realize that your wet, partially chewed on seed shells were fluttering their way back into my hair and face?
Anyways, I'm just sayin' that maybe you should buy already shelled nuts. Peanuts are very satisfying as are almonds. Mmmm.... maybe you could change? Just while you're driving the tractor and just while there are actually people riding behind you. Cuz it's pretty gross to wipe your spit off of my face.
Yours Truly,
Amy